Former England leader Lewis Moody has announced he has been found to have motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet deal with the full consequences of the muscle-degenerating condition that took the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was involved in the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and won multiple English and European titles with Leicester, spoke to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after learning he has the illness.
"There's an element of looking the future in the face and hesitating to fully comprehend that at the present time," he stated.
"It isn't that I fail to comprehend where it's going. We comprehend that. But there is certainly a unwillingness to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, conversing with his wife Annie, explains conversely he feels "at ease" as he directs his attention to his immediate wellbeing, his family and making preparations for when the condition worsens.
"Maybe that's shock or perhaps I deal with matters uniquely, and after I have the information, it's easier," he continued.
First Signs
Moody discovered he had MND after detecting some reduced power in his shoulder area while training in the gym.
After physical therapy failed to improve the condition, a series of scans showed neural pathways in his brain and spinal cord had been damaged by MND.
"You receive this diagnosis of MND and we're appropriately extremely moved about it, but it's quite odd because I sense that nothing's wrong," he added.
"I don't sense ill. I don't experience poorly
"My indications are rather minimal. I have a small amount of muscle deterioration in the hand area and the shoulder region.
"I continue to be competent to accomplishing whatever I want. And optimistically that will persist for as long as is possible."
Disease Progression
MND can advance quickly.
Based on the organization MND Association, the illness kills a one-third of people within a year and more than half within 730 days of detection, as eating and breathing become harder.
Medical care can only delay deterioration.
"It isn't ever me that I experience sorrow for," added an affected Moody.
"It's the sadness around having to tell my mum - as an only child - and the ramifications that has for her."
Family Consequences
Speaking from the household with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was consumed with sentiment when he discussed informing his sons - teenage Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the traumatic news, stating: "This was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two wonderful boys and that was pretty upsetting," Moody said.
"We sat on the sofa in tears, Ethan and Dylan both hugging in each other, then the dog jumped over and commenced removing the drops off our faces, which was quite amusing."
Moody explained the priority was being in the moment.
"We have no treatment and that is why you have to be so militantly focused on just accepting and enjoying all aspects now," he commented.
"As my wife mentioned, we've been really fortunate that the only real choice I made when I left playing was to spend as much period with the kids as feasible. We can't reclaim those periods back."
Sportsman Connection
Elite competitors are excessively affected by MND, with investigations suggesting the incidence of the condition is up to sixfold higher than in the general population.
It is considered that by limiting the oxygen obtainable and producing injury to neural pathways, consistent, intense exercise can activate the disease in those inherently genetically susceptible.
Rugby Career
Moody, who earned 71 England appearances and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was dubbed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in recognition of his courageous, unwavering style to the game.
He competed through a stress fracture of his leg for a duration with Leicester and once initiated a training-ground confrontation with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he abandoned a practice gear and commenced participating in collisions.
After appearing as a reserve in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the back of the line-out in the critical moment of play, setting a foundation for half-back Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to execute the match-winning drop-goal.
Backing System
Moody has already informed Johnson, who led England to that victory, and a couple of other previous team-mates about his condition, but the rest will be discovering his news with the broader public.
"There shall be a time when we'll need to lean on their assistance but, at the present, just having that sort of love and acknowledgment that people are there is what's important," he commented.
"Rugby is such a great group.
"I said to the kids the other day, I've had an incredible life.
"Even should it concluded now, I've enjoyed all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"Being able to call your love your profession, it's one of the most important privileges.
"Achieving this for so long a duration with the groups that I did it with was a joy. And I am aware they will desire to support in whatever way they can and I look forward to having those conversations."
